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Allah's (The Exalted) name I begin with, The Most Affectionate, The Most Merciful All Praise is due to Allah (The Exalted) Countless Salawaat, and Salaams upon His most perfect and highest of creation, the Messenger of Allah (The Exalted) (may Allah bless him and grant him peace).
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Then (They) Disbelieved, And Then Increased In Disbelief - ثُمَّ كَفَرُواْ ثُمَّ ازْدَادُواْ كُفْرًا - Part I
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Preamble: Repent to Allah s.w.t once you committed a sin/mistake, those who do not accept their mistakes will ultimately never seek repentance/forgiveness for them there is punishment in Both worlds and for them there will be no guidance.
Objective: Figuring out mistakes & seeking forgiveness or forgiving in order to be saved from punishment (to save relations), meanwhile Increasing the level of Tolerance and the will to excuse, in order to maintain relationships.
Introduction & Concept: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "The signs of a hypocrite are three:
1. Whenever he speaks, he tells a lie. 2. Whenever he promises, he always breaks it (his promise ). 3. If you trust him, he proves to be dishonest. (If you keep something as a trust with him, he will not return it.)"
(See [Sahih al-Bukhari, Belief 2, (33).] )
Quotes:
1. “Those who spend in good times and bad times, swallow their anger, pardon and forgive people, and Allah likes those who excel in their deen. (Al Imran 3: 134)”
2. "The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives." (At-Tirmidhi, 1977).
1. “Those who spend in good times and bad times, swallow their anger, pardon and forgive people, and Allah likes those who excel in their deen. (Al Imran 3: 134)”
2. "The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives." (At-Tirmidhi, 1977).
3. “tolerance and forgiveness are not opposites to good communication. A spouse can tolerate and forgive, but it is a must almost every now and then that the couple communicates what is bothering them, or better, how things can improve between them, their way of life, and their living conditions. The accumulated residuals of lack of communication can backfire in an irreparable way, destroying marriages between good Muslim husbands and wives".
(Link for Above Quote:)
Advice: Kindly read to the end before jumping to any conclusion, then I will be grateful to you if you be kind enough to correct me.
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(Link for Above Quote:)
Advice: Kindly read to the end before jumping to any conclusion, then I will be grateful to you if you be kind enough to correct me.
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Causes of Break-ups (of all sorts of relations):
1. Ignoring the signs of hypocrisy is one of the major reason which breaks relationships, irrespective of whether it is with the Lord Almighty Allah s.w.t himself or with Family, Relatives, Friends, Neighbors, Colleagues etc.
2. If we revisit the Hadith quoted above from Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of Belief/Faith, it is clearly mentioned that, when a hypocrite speaks he speaks lie, this does not mean that statement itself is wrong, rather this means his hearts is not in synchronization with his tongue, means he is not disclosing the fact rather he is merely flattering, this is the most common problem of this era. If pointed out, One uses various excuses to cover this including references from Aahaadith, such as I didn't wanted to break his/her heart by disclosing the fact (Unfortunately the one who does not wanted to break heart even for a single instance, ends up in breaking the entire relationship itself, Allahu Akbar).
3. Unfortunately this Hypocrite feature turns out to be the reason which builds up the anger in ones heart bit by bit till we could not handle it any more, there comes (Our oldest enemy) Satan/Devil to pinch us such that the rest is taken over by our Nafs-e-Ammmara also known by one of its limited name of Proud/Takabbur, which will not only break our relation with those relatives (Family, friends, colleague, neighbor etc) but with the Almighty Allah s.w.t himself, as it did with the Satan/devil himself.
4. There are no more reasons or excuses left for those who are filled up with anger, it was because they were not honest with their relation when the felt something bad/insecure/unacceptable they did not sit with their relatives to sort this out, to figure out what exactly went wrong, is it really what we felt about it, or are there any other factors that lead to this situation/action. Nevertheless Islam taught us everything but we left it happily & later some philosophers took it & named it as "Thinking Out of the Box".
5. For a Believer, the concept is Thinking within the Boundaries of Islam(Within Islam) in the light of Al-Quran, Ad-Deen, As-Sunnah, everything that ever existed, or is existing or will come to an exist is already mentioned to us & we have been both warned & blessed with options to overcome such scenarios.
1. Ignoring the signs of hypocrisy is one of the major reason which breaks relationships, irrespective of whether it is with the Lord Almighty Allah s.w.t himself or with Family, Relatives, Friends, Neighbors, Colleagues etc.
2. If we revisit the Hadith quoted above from Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of Belief/Faith, it is clearly mentioned that, when a hypocrite speaks he speaks lie, this does not mean that statement itself is wrong, rather this means his hearts is not in synchronization with his tongue, means he is not disclosing the fact rather he is merely flattering, this is the most common problem of this era. If pointed out, One uses various excuses to cover this including references from Aahaadith, such as I didn't wanted to break his/her heart by disclosing the fact (Unfortunately the one who does not wanted to break heart even for a single instance, ends up in breaking the entire relationship itself, Allahu Akbar).
3. Unfortunately this Hypocrite feature turns out to be the reason which builds up the anger in ones heart bit by bit till we could not handle it any more, there comes (Our oldest enemy) Satan/Devil to pinch us such that the rest is taken over by our Nafs-e-Ammmara also known by one of its limited name of Proud/Takabbur, which will not only break our relation with those relatives (Family, friends, colleague, neighbor etc) but with the Almighty Allah s.w.t himself, as it did with the Satan/devil himself.
4. There are no more reasons or excuses left for those who are filled up with anger, it was because they were not honest with their relation when the felt something bad/insecure/unacceptable they did not sit with their relatives to sort this out, to figure out what exactly went wrong, is it really what we felt about it, or are there any other factors that lead to this situation/action. Nevertheless Islam taught us everything but we left it happily & later some philosophers took it & named it as "Thinking Out of the Box".
5. For a Believer, the concept is Thinking within the Boundaries of Islam(Within Islam) in the light of Al-Quran, Ad-Deen, As-Sunnah, everything that ever existed, or is existing or will come to an exist is already mentioned to us & we have been both warned & blessed with options to overcome such scenarios.
Treatment:
1. The best treatment is to become a virtuous person, who are dear to Allah s.w.t as Quoted in Sureh Al-i'Imran - Verse # 134 ( الَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي السَّرَّاءِ وَالضَّرَّاءِ وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ ) "Those who spend [in the path of Allah] in prosperity and adversity and who restrain anger and who pardon men.And virtuous people are dear to Allah". The Keys are Restraining from Anger, Pardoning & Forgiving.
2. There is a difference between loving/liking someone/something and willing to love/like them/that forever, what I mean is you may Love/Respect/Like/Follow someone now but the moment you get some ill faith/idea about them or if you are not convinced with them in some matters, then there are chances that you will stop Loving/Respecting/Liking/Following them.
3. In order to turn this temporary state into a permanent state (just to be on safe side) If this is an Initial stage then the best option is to speak and sort out the matters, you may Ask Questions, seek guidance of elders, look for clarification, figure out our own misunderstanding and short comings, remind ourselves of all the other kindness/favors/lovely moments/graces that we were blessed by them, this is the key[for those who has not attained that position of Virtues person] to maintaining a long relation (remember Allah is all powerful).
4. A one sided action may or may not be the lead us to success, despite of it, even a one sided initiation could still increase the length of that relationship. as reported by Imams Ahmad and (Muslim in similar words.) when a man came to him and said, O messenger of Allah (ﷺ), I have relatives with whom I keep good relations, but they cut off relations with me, I forgive them, but they oppress me, I do good to them, but they treat me badly, should I get even with them (treat them as bad as they treat me)? The prophet (ﷺ) replied: "No, If you do so all the relations will be cut off this way. On the contrary, be generous and keep in touch with them, you will always have support from Allah as long as you stay this way." (Link for More Details)
5. The Muslim Seeks to Make Excuses for Other Muslims:
From Sa'ad ibn 'Ubadah (radhiallahu 'anhu) who said that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said:
" … and there is no one who loves to accept an excuse more than Allah, and because of this he sent the bringers of good news and the warners ... " So a Muslim seeking to make an excuse for his brother and those whom he loves will cause good will to spread instead of antagonism, and will bring about ties of relationship instead of estrangement. Since if Allah, He who is free of all imperfections, grants excuse, and He is the Creator and the Most Great, then how can you O servant of Allah, a weak creation of his, not seek to make excuse for others? Rather as is said: Seek an excuse for your brother.
6. Likewise there is the saying: the believers seek to make excuses for others, whereas the hypocrites hope for the downfall of others. So the fact that the Muslim seeks to excuse his brothers emphasizes that.
Thus the Verse # 137 of Sureh # 4 states, those who believe (initially), then disbelief (because of various factors), then beliefs then continues this until they stop believing and ends up in increasing their disbelief, for them there is no way of returning back nor will they be forgiven by Allah s.w.t.
Prayer: O Allah s.w.t Please forgive us, for our Ignorance and our Non-thankfulness & Return us towards maintaining relationships with you (the Most), followed by your prophet (ﷺ) who helped us in becoming a Believer, then with each and every one of them with whom we have some sort of relationship irrespective of Family, Neighbor, Friends, Colleagues etc, We Entreat in the name of Allah and also by the Grace of the "Guide" the Messenger of Allah s.w.t.
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Prayer: O Allah s.w.t Please forgive us, for our Ignorance and our Non-thankfulness & Return us towards maintaining relationships with you (the Most), followed by your prophet (ﷺ) who helped us in becoming a Believer, then with each and every one of them with whom we have some sort of relationship irrespective of Family, Neighbor, Friends, Colleagues etc, We Entreat in the name of Allah and also by the Grace of the "Guide" the Messenger of Allah s.w.t.
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Quranic Verse with References:
Para (4 - پاره لَن تَنَالُواْ ), Sureh (3 - سورة آل عمران), Ayat # 134
(بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم)
(شروع کرتا ہوں اللہ تعالیٰ کے نام سے جو بڑا مہربان نہایت رحم واﻻ ہے)
(In The Name of Allah, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful)
Verse # 3:134
( الَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي السَّرَّاءِ وَالضَّرَّاءِ وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ )
( یہ وہ لوگ ہیں جو فراخی اور تنگی (دونوں حالتوں) میں خرچ کرتے ہیں اور غصہ ضبط کرنے والے ہیں اور لوگوں سے (ان کی غلطیوں پر) درگزر کرنے والے ہیں، اور اللہ احسان کرنے والوں سے محبت فرماتا ہے )
( Those who spend [in the path of Allah] in prosperity and adversity and who restrain anger and who pardon men.And virtuous people are dear to Allah )
Quranic Verses:
Para (5 - پاره وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ ), Sureh (4 - سورة النساء ), Ayat # 137
( إِنَّ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا ثُمَّ كَفَرُوا ثُمَّ آمَنُوا ثُمَّ كَفَرُوا ثُمَّ ازْدَادُوا كُفْرًا لَّمْ يَكُنِ اللَّهُ لِيَغْفِرَ لَهُمْ وَلَا لِيَهْدِيَهُمْ سَبِيلًا )
( بیشک جو لوگ ایمان لائے پھر کافر ہوگئے، پھر ایمان لائے پھر کافر ہوگئے، پھر کفر میں اوربڑھ گئے تواللہ ہرگز (یہ ارادہ فرمانے والا) نہیں کہ انہیں بخش دے اور نہ (یہ کہ) انہیں سیدھا راستہ دکھائے )
( Indeed, those who have believed then disbelieved, then believed, then disbelieved, and then increased in disbelief - never will Allah forgive them, nor will He guide them to a way. )
( Innallazina amanu, summa kafaru, summa amanu, summa kafaru, summazdadu kufran lam yakunillahu li yagfira lahum wa la li yahdiyahum sabila(sabilan). )
Quranic Verses:
Full Hadith with Reference:
Sunan Ibn Majah - The chapters on Marriage - كتاب النكاح :
حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو بِشْرٍ، بَكْرُ بْنُ خَلَفٍ وَمُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى قَالاَ حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو عَاصِمٍ، عَنْ جَعْفَرِ بْنِ يَحْيَى بْنِ ثَوْبَانَ، عَنْ عَمِّهِ، عُمَارَةَ بْنِ ثَوْبَانَ عَنْ عَطَاءٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ قَالَ " خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي "
( یہ ابن عباس سے روایت کیا ہے: نے فرمایا: "تم میں سے سب سے بہتر اس کی بیوی کے لئے بہترین ہے جو ایک ہے، اور میں اپنے بیویوں کو تم سے بہتر ہوں." )
It was narrated from Ibn 'Abbas that:
the Prophet said: "The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives."
Grade : Hasan (Darussalam)
English reference : Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1977
Arabic reference : Book 9, Hadith 2053
Hadith Arabic & English
Other References:How To Keep successful Islamic Marriage
*****Inshahallah to be Continued*****